The annual visit

Every year. Every 6 months.

The emotions are forever rotating.

Anger. Frustration. Understanding. Thanks. Sympathy. Sadness. Calm.

Pick an emotion and give me a trigger.

The facility- pissed.

The receptionist- understanding.

The hospital wristband- tears.

The patient artwork- sympathy.

The insurance- frustration.

The waiting room- calm.

Perhaps worst of all is the whole situation, the whole system.

Going to appointments is now like going to church when you don’t believe in the faith or diety… which I don’t. It’s a feeling you can never quite describe.

I wish I was still stronger — that I could just go through the motions without emotion like I did in the beginning.

I was determined because I wouldn’t stay sick.

Now I’m all of these other emotions because I’m not.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s