Review: The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer

In the past, I’ve enjoyed Amanda Palmer’s music. She was a street artist first, a musician second, and an author third.

In February 2013, she gave a TED Talk entitled, The Art of Asking. The speech/video was an instant success that is still making the internet rounds today.

In my mind, I figured that if a 13 minute speech could be that popular, then perhaps the book that came after would hold some additional knowledge and inspiration. Unfortunately, her important message in the book can be summed up in a short essay. The rest of the book seemed to be the life and times of the “amazing, loving, talented and selfless (but not really)” Amanda Palmer.

Palmer does emphasis throughout her book the importance of asking for help in any number of ways and situations. Asking for help in one’s personal life, at work, at school, etc, should not be viewed as a sign of weakness, but rather it should be viewed as a sign of strength. As people find the strength to ask for help, they can find their self esteem; better their situation; and perhaps better situations for others.

She also makes the strong point that it is important to make connections, and you never know where that might happen. A complete stranger that you begin small talk with can later have a great impact on your life.

As an artist, creator, or business person, it is ever so important to find your audience and continue to learn from them and learn about them. If you do not know your audience, you will not be able to connect with them.

In all things, you must also know your worth. This will give you the confidence at times to ask for help, advice, or tangible things.

The one quote that really stood out for me was:
“Asking is, at it’s core, a collaboration.” (page 47)

Unfortunately, the rest of this book was a complete disappointment. Palmer proceeds to tell the story of HER. Although she preaches the art of asking, and discusses the importance of kindness and others, there seems to be an underlying theme throughout the whole book, and that is the promotion of herself.

I can see where her most devoted fans would argue this to the bitter end. At face value, it seems that Palmer is a very sweet person, but she also has narcissistic tendencies, a lack of focus (the narrative bounces all over the place), and a skewed view of society as a whole.

While it would be lovely if everyone would give to each other – gifts, needs, kindness, love – it’s not something that one should ever expect all other humans to understand or believe. Palmer expresses her sadness anytime a complete stranger is not willing to play along with her carefree artistic and sometimes impromptu escapades, nor should she expect random strangers to stop and help her exactly the way she asks. She also makes note that she lives every moment of her life very publicly via her blog and Twitter. She prides herself on sharing and trying to connect others through her voice. However, upon any criticism or backlash, she seems to become hurt and loses a bit of faith in humanity.

The world simply does not work the way Amanda Palmer would like it to work, and it never will. She may know HER audience, and they may trust her with their lives, but she fails to look outside that realm and comprehend that there are other audiences — a whole world of people — out there. No one will ever be able to cater to all audiences, not even Amanda Palmer; but everyone can at least listen, respect, and try to be considerate of others. That, I believe, is a reasonable goal.

‘To Know the Dark’ — Wendell Berry

To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.

To know the dark, go dark.

Go without sight, and find that dark, too, blooms and sings,

and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.

Review: Lumberjanes

I’m a bit picky when it comes to comics. I tend to steer clear of large universes and voluminous series. If I want heavy reading material, I’ll pick up a novel. When I read comics, I prefer them to be geeky and girly, and Lumberjanes has the perfect combination of both. The plot is pretty simple — 5 girls away at scout camp for the summer. Throw in some mythological creatures and wild adventures, and it’s a bit like Salute Your Shorts* meets Scooby Doo. (*Please tell me you know what Salute Your Shorts is. If the answer is no, go check out the details now and possibly hunt down an old episode.)

The stories in each issue are short, but the plot continues from volume to volume. What I absolutely love the most are the off the wall interjections. In keeping the dialogue clean, the writers have used the most darn clever phrases, such as “What the junk!” and “For the love of Sister Rosetta Tharpe.” There are a dozen other women from history who are scattered throughout the dialogue of the characters like little Easter eggs, enhancing this series’ score on the nerdy meter higher and higher. While Lumberjanes isn’t a go-to educational read, it’s can definitely prompt you to go digging back through your history books in order to catch the female references.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m not really into long drawn out comic book series. When I borrowed the first book, my friend also included the second. And after reading the second, I knew it wasn’t the end. Upon further review, I found out there’s no end in sight. The publisher, BOOM! Studios lists 21 issues so far. With four writers and an array of artists, the possibilities are endless. So, while I’m not keen on having to hunt down every issue, they’ll definitely all be added to my Goodreads list in the hopes of checking out each one.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes: Caitlin Doughty’s Memoir and Death Advocacy

Caitlin Doughty began her career at a crematorium in 2006 with no experience and only a degree in medieval studies. Ever since then, she has gone deeper into the world of death. In her memoir, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematorium, Caitlin guides us through her journey into the death industry. The book is part biography, part commentary. Smoke includes stories from Doughty’s life, facts regarding religious and cultural practices of death across the ages, and commentary on what she points out as failing funeral and medical systems.

While she leads us into the back room of what she often refers to as the death business, we see the quirky and odd incidences that occur at a crematorium. We’re also shown the wide range of reactions that come with the death of a loved one or stranger, as well as the practices some cultures still hold true.

She guides us gently through her struggles in coming to terms with an interest in death. After seeing a child die in an accident while she was a kid, Doughty has been culminating her ideas of death for many years. She graduated college with a degree in medieval studies focusing on death and culture. After not wanting to teach and not having many other career options, she took a job at a crematorium in California. This only pulled her further into the world of death, in which she began contemplating how and why we have gotten to where we are today regarding the fear of death and routine burials and cremations.

The longer Doughty stayed at the crematorium, the more she wanted to know about today’s burial practices. It’s not that she supports them, but it’s always better to fight a battle when you know the facts from both sides. As she points out, death is sterilized today. Bodies are often whisked away before they grow cold. They’re then drained and pumped with embalming chemicals to preserve them. From there, a body is typically primped to be presented to the deceased’s loved ones, but the result is usually a bit disturbing as the person can look a bit artificial. And after all of this prep and money, the body is stuffed in a ridiculously priced box and shoved in a vault or grave OR is burned to ash. (This doesn’t even cover the overview of what happens to the bodies of the deceased who are John Doe or are abandoned because the family cannot foot the bill.) Doughty goes to mortuary school to learn how this is all done and to get into the funeral industry, where she can practice until she can open her own funeral home to promote better death practices.

Caitlin Doughty is an advocate for better death practices. People need to be allowed to grieve and celebrate the deceased in their own way. Also, death should not be hidden or shunned. It is part of life and will happen whether or not you or I like it. Doughty has developed ways to fight the good fight for what she calls the good death (one that does not involve struggle, unnecessary sadness or pain, or tragic accidents). In some of her darkest times, Doughty began writing essays, which she would post online. The site would eventually become known as The Order of the Good Death and is now a growing organization. Its goal, according to the About page:

“The Order of the Good Death is a group of funeral industry professionals, academics, and artists exploring ways to prepare a death phobic culture for their inevitable mortality.”

Doughty has also created her own YouTube series, Ask a Mortician, in which she answers questions regarding death… no matter how odd. Questions stem from history, industry practices, myths, and all sorts of randomness.

While the videos and some of the articles she posts are entertaining, it’s important to remember that this is all part of her way of raising more awareness for better deaths. She plans to continue to march through life, waving a death-positive banner for all to see in the hopes of spreading ideas and acceptance, as well as growing The Order of the Good Death.

Notable sites and sources:

Doughty, Caitlin. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes & Other Lessons From the Crematorium. New York: W. W. Norton & Company. 2014. Print.

The Order of the Good Death

Ask a Mortician

Image credit:

By Mara Zehler (Caitlin Doughty) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons